The following personality archetypes can often be found in meetings. These archetypes are general and are in no way all inclusive. Also, these archetypes are just meant to be a guide to help you quickly identify behavioral patterns in meetings and how to deal with different types of people in a meeting setting. Meeting participants may only exhibit a portion of an archetype or maybe even more than one archetype.
To be honest, this post was the most difficult to write because each archetype could be covered in their own blog post. My goal is just to share high-level behaviors of the most common archetypes I have witnessed in meetings and ways I have found that neutralize their unproductive behavior.
I also feel badly labeling these archetypes because it is important to honor and value every meeting participant and their contribution. These labels could be viewed as being disrespectful and even marginalize the meeting participants. That said, I have found that humor has helped me deal with undesirable and unproductive behavior that sometimes can be quite frustrating. Identifying these archetypes has helped me take a step back with humor and not get triggered in meetings. This allowed me to be as neutral and fair as possible and successfully facilitate meetings to their productive conclusions.
A lot of these archetypes will exhibit the unproductive behaviors I shared in the blog post:
Link ===> Conscious Meetings Tips: Identifying and Understanding Unproductive Behavior
This blog post also explains the Drama Triangle which will also be referenced in this post.
I will also reference the Meeting Minutes and Agenda template that I offer free on my website. I am including the link to the blog post that includes the link to the download as well as tips on how to use the template and prepare for meetings:
The Sniper
Snipers are those meeting participants who will typically sit with their arms crossed and make snide or sarcastic comments to derail the meeting. They are the ones who will say “I told you so” should the meeting goals and objectives not be met. They are the ones that are usually quiet unless they have something negative to add.
They are quiet and stealthy, ready to shoot down ideas or pounce on other meeting attendees.
The best way to deal with these snipers is to provide a mirror for them and allow them to see themselves in the mirror publicly.
I accomplish this by adding their comments to the “Issues Log” section of the meeting minutes and agenda template that you can download free on my website.
When documenting what the sniper says, try to quote verbatim. Make sure to include the name of the sniper in the “Identified By” column of the Issues Log. The Issue will then need to be assigned to someone to research. Typically, the sniper will be the one who be assigned the action item since they were the ones who knew enough to identify the issue. This changes the dialog from destructive to constructive because the sniper now has to research and determine if the issue is truly an issue. If it is, the sniper will be responsible for determining the solution and mitigation strategy.
If there is a follow-up meeting, when you go over the issues, you will be able to ask the sniper if this issue is still a concern, if so, the meeting participants will determine who else can be assigned to research and mitigate the identified issue.
If there is no follow-up meeting, when you send the agenda and meeting minutes post-meeting, ask participants who are assigned action items and issues to report back their findings and status by a certain due date. When you do this in a public email, accountability is clear and public. This is an effective way to motivate the participants to work on their assignments and report back to the group.
Another way to handle snipers is to schedule a follow-up meeting with the sniper and see if the issue is truly a valid issue to be addressed by the meeting participants. The sniper may even feel some chagrin seeing their own words parroted back to their and may retract the issue or re-phrase it.
Should the sniper ask for their original snipe to be updated, do not delete the original issue. Add to the original issue with a date/time stamp. For example: 2018-05-08 – In a separate meeting, <sniper name> asked that the issue be re-stated as: ….” This will serve to keep the history of the comments and also keep the sniper accountable to his actions in a meeting. Typically, this type of documentation serves to negatively reinforce sniper activity in future meetings.
Please note, a sniper can also be someone who doesn’t say anything in a meeting but will gossip about the meeting after the meeting has passed. Should you learn of post-meeting sniper comments, it is a good idea to schedule a meeting with the sniper and politely ask if the sniper has any issues they would like to add to the issues log for future meetings. You can email the group with an update about this conversation since it is relevant to the meeting objective.
The sniper at first seems to be playing the persecutor role of the drama triangle, but will easily shift into the victim mode. Holding the figurative mirror up for them to take responsibility and accountability for their own words and actions is a useful safeguard against the sniper going into victim mode.
The Know-It-All
Know-It-Alls love to talk. They will always add their opinion, insights, humor, experiences even when what they share is unnecessary and superfluous. They will even re-state what others say in a meeting in an effort to put their own spin and take credit.
They are often dismissive of other points of view.
Other examples of Know-It-All behavior:
- says things like “At any rate” to draw the focus back to him
- often laughs at their own jokes
- often laughs at others
- speaks at a higher volume than others in the meeting
- corrects things like your grammar, usage of words, and even the enunciation of words
- uses big words to show their superiority
- takes any opportunity to talk about anything, even if it has no relevance to the meeting
The best way to deal with Know-It-Alls is actually similar to the way I deal with snipers. Document everything they say. What they are sharing may not fall into an action item or issue, so just take notes and put these notes in the minutes portion of the meeting agenda and minutes template. This will put up a mirror to the Know-It-All to reflect on their behavior. How would you like to see everything you say documented in minutes?
An example of documenting a Know-It-All’s contribution:
“James stated that this project is like the play-offs and thinks it is funny that we are working on this objective…”
As the meeting facilitator and probable note-taker, you are not judging what the Know-It-All is sharing. There actually may be some helpful information shared, but it is sometimes difficult to determine what is helpful when a lot of non-essential information is shared as well. Taking diligent and copious notes will help you catch the useful information but also the non-essential information.
I would like to add that Know-It-Alls often have a sense of humor. If there is a follow-up meeting, they may make a joke at your expense about how much you captured in the meeting minutes. It does seem to curtail the behavior in future meetings.
In addition to capturing what the Know-It-All says, it is helpful to try to engage the Know-It-All while they are sharing their information to determine if any of what they are sharing is an actionable item, an issue, or impacts the meeting goals. That typically short circuits their tangents.
The Know-It-All likes to be the Hero or Rescuer of the meeting. They can sometimes play the persecutor if it would prove to win an agreeable audience. They want attention, so they will try different parts of the drama triangle to gain that attention.
Mean Girls
I hate gender-based stereotypes. That said, these gender-based stereotypes exist for a reason. We have been raised by parents who were raised by their parents who were raised by their parents… and so on and so forth who grew up in a society and culture that prescribed different roles to boys and girls who grow up to be men and women. Men are allowed to express anger. Women are not, even though women feel the same anger as men. Some women believe men are superior and have a right to be powerful, but get angry when they witness other women step into power. In response, some women act out their anger against other women who hold positions of power, but not men. They are OK with men holding positions of power.
How many of our entrained beliefs are actually rooted in beliefs that were held by ancestors who lived many decades, even possibly centuries ago?
I struggled with the title of this section. I never officially classified this archetype until recently. It is only when I read books have been written about “Mean Girls” and the patriarchy in general that I felt permission to admit that there are indeed Mean Girls who have grown up to be mean women who attack other women when they feel threatened. I wish I had access to these books when I first entered the business world in the 90’s. These books would have helped me understand this gender-specific behavior more and even have compassion. Unconsciously, I did understand it when I witnessed it in work, because I witnessed it in school growing up. Girls and Women just have always known that “Mean Girls” exist. We just didn’t have permission to tag this behavior.
The issue with not tagging this behavior consciously is that a lot of my girlfriends tell me, “I don’t work well with other women”. It made me sad, because we are not helping each other in the workplace. There are many women out there who are not Mean Girls. I was lucky that I was able to discern that for myself without conscious acknowledgment that mean girls exist in the workplace. I did not miss out on working with some amazing women in my career. By tagging this specifically as an archetype, not only will I help you with tips to neutralize the behavior, I am also hoping that it will help you discern that not every woman is out to attack other women in the workplace. Mean Girls are only a subset of the population of working women. I am hoping as we become more conscious of the behavior and raise awareness, it will be an ever shrinking subset.
I applaud the authors who have come forward with books explaining this archetype. I’ve read these books and they were validating and enlightening. For your reference and benefit, I will share them with you.
Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls
Mean Girls at Work – How to Stay Professional When Things Get Personal
There are other books that talk about narcissism and codependency as well as passive aggressive anger that really uncover the roots of this behavior, but the above books focus on Mean Girls and why girls and women bully other girls and women.
If you are a man, I would still recommend that you try to understand mean girl behavior. Mean girls are really good at acting out their aggression towards other women in ways that other people won’t notice. They will be nice to you, but act-out aggressively towards women who they have targeted when you are not looking. This can happen in meetings right in front of you. Understanding that the potential for this dynamic exists will help you make sure the targets of the mean girls still have a voice that is respected in the meeting you are facilitating.
Mean girl behavior is directed at women. If the meeting facilitator is a man, the mean girls will likely stay either dormant or direct their behavior at other women in the meeting in very discreet ways. If the meeting facilitator is a woman, there is a possibility that a mean girl’s true nature will present itself.
Mean girls often band together and create a power base that allows them to rebel against perceived threats. Their behavior is rooted in insecurity. If you are a woman meeting facilitator, you are in a position of power in the meeting and are considered a threat. If a woman meeting participant contributes to the meeting with insightful information, that too will be considered a threat. You will typically find an “alpha” mean girl leading the pack mentality if they can find other women to follow their lead. The followers typically follow the alpha because they are insecure and want the approval of the alpha.
If you are a woman who is the target of the mean girls, the key to dealing with mean girls is to not get triggered by their behavior. It has nothing to do with you. Stay neutral and engage with the facts.
Here are some examples on how to respond to a Mean Girl if as the facilitator. These work if you are the target or another woman is the target.
Example 1:
Behavior: They make a sarcastic comment
Response: You can ask them to repeat a sarcastic comment to see if there is a valid issue actually being raised. You are responding neutrally and inviting the attendee(s) to share any valid issues with the meeting group. This also serves to negatively reinforce future sarcastic comments.
Example 2:
Behavior: They rolls their eyes
Response: “I noticed that you have a negative reaction to what was said, would you like to share it with the team? ” Once again, you are responding neutrally. The attendee(s) who rolled their eyes may have a valid point to share. You are inviting them to have a productive dialog that may add value to the meeting.
Example 3:
Behavior: Making fun of you or other meeting participants either passively or aggressively
Response: Breathe. Take a moment if you are triggered. If you are the target, say something like, “Interesting”, or ignore it and continue the meeting. If you are the facilitator and someone else is the target, ignore and continue the meeting. This shows that there is no response to the bullying behavior and neutralizes the drama triangle.
Example 4:
Behavior : Gossiping about you, the meeting, or another meeting participant (post-meeting)
Response: There is not much you can do with this one. Be aware and conscious and ignore.
Common tactics employed by the mean girl includes eye rolling, passive aggressive sabotage, gossiping, ridiculing, trying to create factions and dissent within the meeting environment. Their favorite drama triangle position is to be both persecutor and victim. They are often engaging in both modes at the same time. They will rescue each other from the perceived threat to their power structured as well.
The Bully
“Mean Girls” is a subset of The Bully archetype. A bully can be either a man or a woman. For example, a bully can be a woman who bullies anyone regardless of gender. You can have both a bully and a mean girl in the same meeting and they may not even be aligned in their interests.
Bullies exhibit much of the same behavior as mean girls, but typically it is more obvious. The Bully will poke fun at other people in the meeting. They will purposely ignore certain people to show how powerful and significant they are. They will often shut down other people’s ideas quite aggressively.
The Mean Girls response examples work well with The Bully archetype. You may ask if they are so similar, why did they have to be listed separately? It is helpful to tag mean girl behavior separately because it is often missed and it is based on a specific prejudice against women.
The Ticking Time Bomb
This Ticking Time Bomb is just very angry and is projecting that anger externally to others. This person feels unsafe at work or is victimizing themselves because they feel under appreciated or fearful about their status at work. The threats to them may or not be real. What matters is that this is their perception.
This person will take offense very easily at seemingly random things. If you have an opportunity to step back you will notice that the triggers are events that appear threatening to the ticking time bomb even if they truly aren’t.
The best way to diffuse the Ticking Time Bomb is to calmly perform active listening to see if you can give voice to their concern. You will then inform them that you will add their concern to the issue log and ask the meeting participants who would like to be assigned to the issue. Typically, the Ticking Time Bomb will be assigned. If it is a perceived threat and not actually real, the issue can be closed during the meeting. At least it was identified and recorded and that validates the Ticking Time Bomb’s concerns. It helps them feel safe and validated.
The root cause of their behavior is fear. If you can provide a safe environment for them, they do feel less threatened and validated.
The Ticking Time Bomb feels they are a victim and then to protect themselves persecute their perceived threats. By giving them a voice to their fears, it disengages them from the drama triangle.
The Over Explainer
When contributing in the meeting, the Over Explainer will go into painstaking detail and will often lose the attention of most people in the meeting. Many of the meeting participants may lose interest because they don’t actually understand the details provided by the Over Explainer. The Over Explainer may also prolong the meeting which wastes the time of all the meeting participants involved. Their contribution is valid but at a high level.
As the meeting facilitator, try to perform active listening to summarize what the Over Explainer is trying to share. Tell the Over Explainer that you will document their contribution in either the action items, issue log, or meeting minutes depending on what area suits best. Ask the Over Explainer to table the detailed explanation and email the group with the full description of what they would like to share. Offer to include their emailed contribution in the official meeting minutes.
When you capture the Over Explainer’s contribution in the meeting agenda and minutes, just write a summary and then state that the Over Explainer will email a follow-up to the meeting group with more details.
The Naysaying Technologist
The meeting participants who are there to represent the technological perspective and assess feasibility of any proposed technical solutions can often see why a solution won’t work. The Naysaying Technologist will always come up with reasons why a solution cannot be done or won’t work. The key to dealing with this person is to ask if there are any ways it could work. Usually, most solutions are possible, it just may take more time, people, resources, etc.
Offer to document any issues raised, but ask the Naysaying Technologist if there are solutions to these issues. Assign the issue to the technologist and ask them when they can report their findings to the meeting participants via email. A follow-up meeting may need to be scheduled to discuss their findings.
The Spy
The Spy attends the meeting with the purpose to capture information to share with external parties that have vested interest in the outcome of the meeting(s) but were not deemed necessary for the meeting. They may become snipers once they leave the meeting. This participant’s motives could be very counterproductive to the meeting’s objectives. If you suspect you have a Spy attending the meeting, ask if them if they have any issues they would like to raise and if they think we someone is missing from the meeting. Offer to document their issues in the meeting minutes and agenda. You may determine that a follow-up meeting with the Spy and the stakeholders they represent will help engage these external parties in a productive and collaborative manner.
The Introvert
The standard corporate culture does not provide the best environment for these often very insightful team members. They typically are analyzing many levels of input in a meeting and that is typically why don’t talk much. They are usually a very under appreciated and untapped resource.
You will notice them taking notes and/or paying close attention. You can witness shifts in their body language and facial expressions. They have strong opinions but are not comfortable sharing them in a public forum.
If you suspect you have an Introvert in your meeting, make a point to ask the introvert if they have anything to share. You can either do this at the end of the meeting, or if you notice that the introvert would like to share something because of shifts in their body language or facial expressions.
Unfortunately, this doesn’t always draw out the introvert’s contribution. You can either decide that is ok, and move on or decide to ask the introvert after the meeting in a 1:1 setting. I have learned that scheduling a separate meeting with the introvert, whether it be a face-to-face or a conference call and asking their opinion on the meeting’s discussions and findings is a really great way to gain their valuable insights. They feel safer and will share more openly. You can ask them if they would be ok with you sharing your conversation with the meeting participants in a follow-up email. They usually have no issue with this. They just do not like to share in group settings.
Again, this is up to you as the meeting facilitator. You can argue that it is every meeting participant’s responsibility to contribute to the meeting. If they don’t, it is their loss. Because I truly believe the introvert was invited for a reason, I do usually decide to seek the introvert’s contribution proactively outside of the meeting. I find that they see solutions and issues that other participants may not see because they are so observant. It can only help the meeting objectives.
I also have found that if you find yourself in subsequent meetings with these introverts, once you add their input into the meeting discussions in the form of issues or action items, they become more vocally engaged in subsequent meetings. They feel they have been heard. They feel braver sharing their insights and they feel valued. It is a great way to help an introvert become a little more extraverted.
They really do want to help the team meet their goals. They are productive and easy to work with. You just have to know how to work with them.
The Angry Elder
It is inevitable in a business that is driven by technological advances that the older team members will need to make way for the younger team members who are trained in the newest technologies and business methodologies. Younger people enter the work place and the older people feel resentment towards these younger team members. They will often use passive aggressive tactics to create resistance.
These elders have a wealth of knowledge to share. They are very important to the meeting, but they may become snipers or even bullies in the meeting.
If you are a young meeting facilitator, you will inevitably encounter anger elders. As the meeting facilitator, show them respect while also respond to them using some of the methods suggested for Snipers and Bullies.
Summary
These are only some of the personality archetypes I have used to help me quickly assess how to respond to certain people I have encountered in meetings. I have shared the most common ones and the strategies I have used to work with them in meetings. I’m sure you have encountered other ones. Please feel free to share!